Friends, there is but one way to defeat bullshit, and that is with a steaming pile of bullshit.
I have admired the antiwork movement from afar, but recently, I have gotten to participate in it. A few years ago, I was slaving at Amazon, where I began to just not give a shit anymore. Crazy performance metrics, 30 miles walking a night in steel toed boots, and those fucking overnight shifts just to get the shift differential. The job beat me to a pulp and made my poor dogs miserable because I never had energy to do anything. So I quit and decided just to lie about everything on my resume and at interviews. I decided my only plan was to bullshit, because why not?
So I started applying for jobs with no chance at getting them. Somehow, I kept getting interviews, and within 2 weeks, I had three job offers for more than I had ever made.
The job I took required the most bullshit. I already had 2 offers, so I decided to make this one count. I walked in and literally made things up as I went. I could not even remember which bullshit resume I gave them and got caught in a lie. After the interview, they decide to give me a forklift assessment, a requirement for the job. I had never driven a forklift, but what the fuck, you only live once. I tell the trainer it's been 8 years since I've been on one, so I might be a bit shaky. I had about 10 seconds to figure out the controls. Long story short, I passed. They took me to do the drug test. I had such disrespect for the job that i smoked a little weed on the way. Didn't matter, got the job.
I was there for nine months. I had waited 8 months for the shift I wanted to open up and was promised I could have it. A month later, they decide our 4×10 hour weeks would become 5×8, not what I agreed too. Business was slow, so many days we only stayed 4 or 5 hours. I planned to quit, but wanted to screw with them. I put in my notice and called off some days, came in late others, left early, walked around doing nothing, and wasted countless hours as they tried to get me to stay. I did not, because fuck you switching my shift.
I dummied up some more resumes and decided to progress my career with more bullshit. I just got my new job offer. Monday to Friday, 1st shift, highest hourly wage in the building. It's a brand new warehouse that I will be in from day one. Having a position just below management will have me in position to bullshit my way up as it will surely be a clown show for many months.
The moral of the story is by job hopping twice in the last 2 years, I have given myself a 40% pay raise, better shift, better location, with better opportunities.
Fuck playing by the rules. Make up your own rules.