Hey everyone, not sure where I would post this so I've rocked up here…
TLDR: If I get it right, well I'm supposed to; if I get it wrong, suddenly I'm the worst. Feeling really low about myself.
I'm 23(F)
For some context, even when I was younger, I've always done everything to the best of my ability. It's not a fear of upsetting teachers, people I work with, managers etc. I've just always done everything to a high standard when I can. Always want better for myself, ya know?
At this point everything just feels like a trap.
I've been at my current job (hospitality) for 2 years. Ive never been late, always got the correct uniform, good hygiene, I don't bring my problems into work. I do the required training, and I train other people to do the same. It's kinda cool they trust me to train other people and the extra wage is sweet. It's a customer service role and I'm really happy with it.
But recently I feel like my managers try to trip me up. They're all genuinely lovely people and we all get along. But they quiz me throughout the shift on information I should know. If I know it, it's brushed off as a “lucky guess” or “well you should know that”. If I get it wrong, or say I would do something different, it's wrong, I need more training, why am I the one training people to do that?
For example, we get a lot of regular customers. They regularly come in to purchase things and will come to me because they now know me. They want me to serve them cause I'll be as kind and accommodating as possible. Want me to make the drinks because I'll do it right. Bring out food because I'll remember everything, go back to double check everything is okay etc. We might have small 1 minute conversations about how they are, it's just customer service. But if I'm not actively cleaning or something while doing it, it's apparently “slacking off” or “they're probably just my mates”. It's been like this at all of my jobs so far.
I just feel like personally, I hold myself to a high standard and I don't think that's a bad thing. But even when I do well, others want me to trip up. I don't know how to describe it – I get along with all these people and they do like me. It's like they also hold me to a good standard and the moment it quivers it's an insane amount of pressure to re-prove myself. It isn't even just about work. I don't want to stop trying so people think less of me and will require less from me. I love having responsibility and expecting the most, it's how I get better. I just feel like everyone else … I don't know, wants me to do bad? Expects even more? I don't know.