TW: miscarriage
First off, I work at a non-profit. I have spent most of my professional career working for nonprofits. Except one gap year. I choose to work for them because I need an impactful mission. I’m not paid well. Most nonprofits make this up in benefits to retain employees.
Next week, my organization has off only Tuesday, July 4. I realize this is the only federal holiday. But I also realize, I have a masters degree yet have opted to dedicate most of my waking hours to this organization. This alone wouldn’t be a problem, but vacation time is also comical. I receive less than half what I received in my first nonprofit job, and previous to this had unlimited time off. As such, I have no time to take off around the holiday. To add insult to injury, the CEO harps on and on about take your time, and take vacations. It makes me so mad. With what time??
My boss just spent four months on maternity leave. I, and my two colleagues covered for her. No compensation. Upon her returning, the CEO fired our department head, her boss, in a heartless, seemingly misguided way. Since, it’s been picking up the pieces of what he left behind while trying to bring my boss up to speed, and also prepare for an interim department head.
Separately, this week, I suffered my first miscarriage. I was distraught the day it happened, and I still don’t really feel okay. I told my boss because the day it happened I was completely unable to work. I couldn’t open my eyes they were so puffy from crying so much. I told her it was a miscarriage. To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking and sent her the quickest message I could. She was understanding and empathetic.
But then I see she moved our regularly scheduled check in next week Tuesday to 9am on July 5th. I really can’t.
I really feel like I’m going to break. There is a nonzero probability I quit on that call. This is all WAY too much for me to handle. Personally and professionally. What I need is a break. This organization has the ability to offer its employees much needed R&R by either providing solid benefits like most nonprofits do, or do what all our partners are doing and giving folks the 3rd and/or the 5th off. I’m tired. I’m exhausted.
Thanks in advance for reading. This has just been a really frustrating couple of weeks.